How are your holidays going so far?
This time of year the culture calls us outward, but our circadian rhythms draw us inward. I feel pulled in different directions, and need so much sleep this time of year. I end up getting bitchy, which goes against my core value of empathy. Sigh.
When I snap at family and friends, it is a wake-up call to revisit my intentions and values, and possibly to do less. I’m aware of my challenges, and most surround my need for respect. I know intellectually that I am supported and loved, but when my core wounds are triggered, my subconscious forgets.
A tear in the fabric of connection takes care to knit back together, and some are irreparable. I’m grateful when I am forgiven, but the hard part is forgiving myself. I have to knit myself back together even before repairing the holes I’ve made in my relationships. It would be ideal not to cause harm in the first place.
When we feel supported and accepted in our wholeness, we will make different choices, and we will be less reactive. We can break free of Samskara, habit patterns, and forge a new path towards our Sankalpa, or overarching intention.
"When we come from intentions like patience, kindness, or curiosity, we’re more likely to respond... rather than react impulsively. Take some time reflect on your intentions before you get together with family or friends."
-Oren Jay Sofer
As an antidote, I’m loving these 6 Communication Tips to Survive the Holidays by Oren Jay Sofer, wearing my PJs all day, hot baths, and rolling out my stress on my awesome self-massage balls (you'll get a 15% discount if you use the code CALM15 through this affiliate link).
Tips for Healthier Conversations During the Holidays
Here are keys to harmonious communication, according to Sofer:
- Setting intentions.
- Staying grounded in your body.
- Practicing a few scripts to pause or defuse.
- Listening for hidden meaning.
- Setting limits mindfully.
- Embodying our values even when we disagree.
These are valuable reminders. I need all the reminders I can get!
What about you? How will you remember your intentions, stay present in your body, and see the hidden meaning behind the words of the person you are talking with? How will you set limits while honoring the other person’s humanity? Do you tend to push your wellbeing to the back burner? If holidays are stressful for you, try centering yourself through breath or self-massage, and asking yourself, "What is my intention?"
I’ll be doing this before the big get-togethers to reinforce my core values and practice seeing the best in everyone I interact with. I’m going to rehearse some scripts too. I like this one from Sofer:
“This feel pretty intense. Let’s take a break on this topic for a little while.”
"At the core all humans share the same basic, fundamental needs. We all want to be happy, to be understood, to have meaning... When we identify what really matters, our commonalities outweigh our differences and we find shared humanity... Genuinely listening for another’s values can go a long way to bridging the gap."
-Oren Jay Sofer
During the holidays I feel pulled in many directions, and can get irritable. How about you? Let’s try Oren Jay Sofer’s 6 Communication Tips to Survive the Holidays. Which of the 6 keys to harmonious communication will you be this year.
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